Saturday, May 25, 2013

Make it Brudl

So, during the last session, we had a character death. Klaus the Thief was a promising lad. Klaus was devoured by a giant frog-thing. Sort of like this:

But instead of a mouse, the beast ate our Klaus.

Very sad, but it spurred some conversation. It was the first actual character death we'd had in the Metal Gods of Ur-Hadad campaign. Yes, certainly we'd had deaths, but those were 0-level guys. They're supposed to die in job lots. That's what they do, mostly.

But leveled characters hadn't really had any hint of mortality. Except for Vane, of course. He's died like fifty times at this point, but he always manages to keep living. It's his special magic. And, as if to underline that point, Vane Barbute leveled after last session, becoming the first of our guys to reach 3rd level. Congratulations, Vane, now it falls to me to ensure that you have more things in your life that can actually kill you. I'm sure the other guys will understand.

+Wayne Snyder captured what's been wrong with this campaign very succinctly when he said that he expect the campaign to be more... brutal:

Like cartoon violence, but with more blood and guts.

Wayne is absolutely correct. I'm a GM, not a cruise director. My job is to kill you bastards, not to have "fun" or give you room to "express yourselves" or whatever other sparkly bullshit might substitute for the brutality you deserve. So, starting today, my pretties, it's time for a New Way. A brutal way. Dare I say, a brudl way (because proper spelling is for pussies).

Here's what you can expect.

If I throw ponies at you, then the damned ponies are going to be carnivorous, lethal, and filled with murderous intent.


If it's kittens, then they will hug your faces with their wee claws and cutely impregnate you with a litter of Killer Kittens which will then claw their ways out of your stinking, filthy carcasses.

Awwwwwwwww!

Every rainbow will be a Death Ray.
And it will come from a fucking panda!

Every innocent child may look like this on the outside:


But you will soon realize their true natures.


You will have no safe havens. No places of rest. No joy that doesn't hold a hidden danger. No happiness that isn't on the jagged edge of madness and mayhem.

Because this the FUCKING METAL GODS OF UR-HADAD. It ain't Dragonlance! (not even dirtbag Dragonlance, though that was a really brilliant idea, +Jack Shear )  So none of this shit:

Unicorns? Also carnivorous!

And a whole lot more of this shit:

Sybian the Sexbot has a brutal past, you know.

Because this is Ur-Hadad, and even the butterflies (excuse me... BLOODERFLIES!) are totally fucking metal:
Flutter-DIE!

Thank you, and have a very metal day.

All the urchins want to kill you, Vane.