Rejoice! Zappadan has come!

Greetings to all of you fellow freaks, on this most glorious day of Zappadan. The world is safe once more to Freak Out! Happy birthday, Frank!

How do we celebrate? With my favorite album: Overnite Sensation!

I've Got Your Dervish, Right Here

Well, I went and did it. Here is the Dervish class for Dungeon Crawl Classics. I've take from a variety of sources, for inspiration, including the Ranger class from Crawl! #6, the Thune Dervish from the I-series of modules (thanks, +Jon Hershberger!), but mostly I was trying to figure out what kind of skillset an implacable hunter of men might have, particularly if that hunter was on a holy mission or quest.

 This would be an interesting class to play, but its applicability is somewhat narrow. It would not, for example, fit in well with your gang of murder-hobo tomb raiders. It would, in fact, have to kill them for defiling holy ground. That said, I think that having a whole crew of these guys hunting a powerful necromancer would be a hell of a fun romp.

Give it a look and let me know what you think.

The Dervish

A Player Character Class

for

Dungeon Crawl Classics RPG

The Dervish is, at heart, a warrior; but it shares some aspects of the ranger and paladin classes, and even a bit with the monk class, for it is a, most importantly, a holy warrior. The dervish is on a quest for perfection of self, through addition of those traits that are praiseworthy, and purging of those that are corrupt. They believe that all gods are but aspects of a unified godhead, and that through study, diligent practice of bodily disciplines, and asceticism, they may attain unity with the godhead in life. It is of no small consequence that such an attainment leads to extremely long life (for a human), and perhaps, it is said by the greatest dervish master, Larkun Ba'Davi, immortality. However, dervishes are best known to outsiders as implacable holy assassins, men and women who track and bring to justice any who transgress against the godhead, in any of its worldly aspects. Those who defile a holy site, destroy a holy artifact, or loot a tomb on hallowed ground (no matter what weird cult might consider it "holy") should be careful to remain anonymous, lest a dervish band undertake a geas to bring the miscreants to account for their blasphemies.

Hit Die: A dervish gains 1d10 hit points at each level

Alignment: Dervishes are of Neutral alignment in their dealings with those outside their orders, but that's only in matters of religion. They have a very strict code of ethics regarding the sanctity of religion, worship practices, and things and places considered holy, by whatever religion they are considered to be so. Should anyone desecrate, destroy, or otherwise defile something holy (including any burial places), a dervish from the order will swear an oath to bring that person to account. In that sense they are Lawful.

Weapon Training: Dervishes may use any melee weapon, but specialize in the weapon of their particular order. Swords are most common, but some orders use axes, spears, polearms, or even whips or nets. They may use a Deed Die when using this designated weapon, but not when using any other. However, they shun missile weapons, as ranged weapons separate the dervish from the visceral experience of divine justice. Dervishes may wear any armor.

Holy Rite: Each dervish order (there are many) has a particular Holy Rite sacred to its physical disciplines. Some engage in self-flagellataion, some in martial practice with holy weapons, some dance their sacred dances, and some seek the Divine through musical performance. Any player who decides on the dervish class must designate such a physical discipline has his or her Holy Rite.

Lay on Hands: A dervish may Lay on Hands as a cleric, once per day, per level. If the attempt fails, the dervish may not use this power again until he or she conducts a Holy Rite for an hour. Successful attempts will always be applied as if the target is the same alignment as the dervish. However, a dervish also may do so for him- or herself at will, but must take an hour's time to perform his or her Holy Rite (see above). Doing so allows the dervish to heal 1d6 damage per level, or restore 1 point of ability damage per level.

Thieving Skills: The dervish may choose two Thieving Skills from the following list: Sneak Silently, Hide in Shadows, Climb Sheer Surfaces, Pick Lock, Find Trap, Read Languages, Handle Poison, and Cast Spell from Scroll. When attempting these skills, the dervish character applies his or her Deed Die to the roll.

Tracking: A dervish is adept at tracking, and may add the Deed Die to any roll to track a target of divine retribution. Such tracking may involve a physical search for tracks and traces of passage (Intelligence mod applies), but it also might involve inquiries among those who might have seen or encountered what the dervish seeks (Personality mod applies). Tracking doesn't just apply to attempts to track down a defiler of something holy, but to any attempt to seek out a place or thing.

Survival: Dervishes are adept at determining location, finding shelter, starting a fire, and seeking out food and water, even the most desolate and inhospitable climes. They may add their Deed Die to any attempt to do so.

Asceticism: A dervish cares little for material possessions, and what possessions they retain are of a utilitarian nature, usually their holy weapon, some useful equipment, and simple foodstuffs. They do not retain wealth beyond what is required for sustenance, at a meager level, and give away any surplus wealth to those in need (e.g., the poor, an impoverished temple or shrine, a library or repository of knowledge, etc.). A dervish who covets wealth will have his or her Luck reduced by 1 per day until he or she is able to dispose of the treasure in question, and may not simply give it to another party member.

Languages: Dervishes are found in every land, and are renowned travelers. As such, they are able to learn 1d3 additional language per level, beyond those granted by their Intelligence.

Table D-1: Dervish

Level	Deed Die	Crit Die/Table	Action Dice	Ref	Fort	Will
1	d2	1d8/III	1d20	+1	+1	+1
2	d3	1d10/III	1d20	+1	+1	+1
3	d4	1d12/III	1d20	+1	+2	+2
4	d5	1d14/III	1d20	+2	+2	+2
5	d6	1d16/IV	1d20+1d14	+2	+3	+3
6	d7	1d20/IV	1d20+1d16	+3	+3	+3
7	d8	1d20/V	1d20+1d20	+3	+4	+3
8	d10	1d24/V	1d20+1d20	+4	+4	+4
9	d10+1	1d30/V	1d20+1d20	+4	+5	+4
10	d10+2	2d20/V	1d20+1d20+1d14	+5	+6	+5

Dervishes do not use titles, though each is a student to someone who is his or her master. He or she will call that person by the title "master."

Also, in furtherance of my own, personal holy mission, I give you another Zappadan miracle: This fantastic guitar work from that dervish of American music, Frank Zappa.

This is what my dervish character would look like.

Zappadan Mea Culpa

See, this is why religion is so difficult. You keep faith with FZ by making sure to listen to music with guitars; you listen to difficult music, music you can't quite dance to; you embrace the absurdities of life with a sense of amusement and wonder; and you try to maintain conceptual continuity through all the vicissitudes of life. You try really hard, but sometimes you fail to keep the faith. Forgive me Frank. What? You're too busy pissing in Jerry Falwell's face to worry about the little shit? Okay, then. Thanks, man, you're a mensch. So how about a little tune? How about a whole concert?

Mothers of Invention, live at the Fillmore East (November 13, 1970)

Happy Zappadan, people. 

The World is Safe Once Again

On this, the final day of Zappadan, the world is safe again. You may Freak Out now.

Hungry Freaks, Daddy!

Nifty piece about FZ's skills as a conductor.

This looks very difficult.

Influences: Edgard Varèse

Edgard Varèse was, reputedly, one of Zappa's early influences. Listening to this performance, I can totally see it. I know that a lot of people don't much care for music that doesn't soothe their ear-holes, and I get that. I do. I like a challenge, though. I like that music can do more than make you feel good. You notice it in musical scores for films (or maybe you don't, if it's especially well integrated), and, in fact, take discordance, atonality, ironic placement of dissimilar elements, and so forth, for granted.

Me, I like this sort of thing. It's weird and wonderful. I don't listen to it a lot. You don't need to, any more than you need to take a shot of strong drink. It's bracing. It's good. But too much, too soon, and it just stops working the same way. Anyway... here is Intégrales by Varèse.

Wrap your brain around this.

And here is a similar composition by Zappa.

The Adventures of Greggery Peccary!

Who was Edgard Varèse? Here's a snippet from the Wikipedia page, so you don't have to figure it out for yourselves.

Varèse's emphasis on timbre, rhythm, and new technologies inspired a generation of musicians who came of age during the 1960s and 1970s. One of Varèse's biggest fans was the American guitarist and composer Frank Zappa, who, upon hearing a copy of The Complete Works of Edgard Varèse, Vol. 1, which included Intégrales, Density 21.5, Ionisation, and Octandre, became obsessed with the composer's music.^[20] On his 15th birthday, December 21, 1955, Zappa's mother, Rosemarie, allowed him a call to Varèse as a present. At the time Varèse was in Brussels,Belgium, so Zappa spoke to Varèse's wife Louise instead. Eventually Zappa and Varèse spoke on the phone, and they discussed the possibility of meeting each other. Although this meeting never took place, Zappa did receive a letter from Varèse. Varèse's spirit of experimentation with which he redefined the bounds of what was possible in music lived on in Zappa's long and prolific career.^[21] Zappa's final project was The Rage and the Fury, a recording of the works of Varèse. In the linernotes of his early albums, he quoted the ICG manifesto, "The present day composer refuses to die." In 1981, Zappa produced and hosted "A Tribute to Edgard Varèse" at the Palladium in New York City, an event at which Louise was an honored guest.

Cosmik Debris

One of my favorite versions of one of my favorite Zappa songs. And it has wizardry in it. Can't beat that. The first case of wizardry is lyrical (like it's about a con-man/magician type). I'm getting a Cugel the Clever vibe from that part. The other case of wizardry is that guitar solo that starts at about 5:15. Damn.

Look here, brother, who you jivin' with that cosmik debris?

Punky's Whips

This very silly song features Terry Bozzio, one of the many great drummers to play with Zappa. While guitars are the heart of rock and roll, drums form its soul. Terry's a very busy drummer, and apparently generates a ton of body heat (which must be shed by any means necessary).

Speedo! Not just for European beaches!

Does Humor Belong in Music

This was the tour on which I saw my first and only Zappa concert, 1984. I was 15, and I still have the ticket stub. The show was at the Arlene Schnitzer concert hall in Portland, Oregon. Beautiful venue, and we had pretty decent seats. It was an amazing show.

Brown Lipstick

This is a good interview. I think it gets at a lot of things about Zappa's personality and work ethic. Letterman refuses to rise to the bait at the beginning, which is probably part of the reason he's had such a long career.

For some reason, YouTube refuses to let Blogger embed the video, but here's the link.

http://youtu.be/DjMO_ewZxIQ?t=4m11s

A Day with Frank Zappa

Short documentary by some guys from the Netherlands (1971). This is a combo of interviews, music, and other footage. Frank tells some cool stories in this one.

Never thought I'd miss the 1970s, but... yeah.

Whippin' Post

So many amazing individual performances in this little number, but that vocal performance... Wow!

How very odd...

This is just the strangest juxtaposition of things. An orchestral production of G-Spot Tornado and... sexy fight-dancing. Strangely compelling.

And at the end, they get flowers. Because... I have no idea.

Po-jama People

Semester's over. Grades are posted. I'm worn out. I'm putting on my po-jamas (but I'm still gaming tonight anyway). No rest for the wicked. Or at least the chaotic. Actual post tomorrow, I swear.

Lemme show something about this guitar.

A Charming Young Man and His Bicycle

Young Mr. Zappa, on the Steve Allen Show, playing a bicycle. That's entertainment! Forgive the advertisement. I couldn't find a version without it.

It doesn't matter what you play. Just play.

FZ, Live at Hammersmith Odeon, 1978

Live at the Hammersmith Odeon, 1978.

Audio only, but great setlist.

P.S. It's finals week, but I should be done grading in a couple days. After that, people, I promise additional gaming-related posts. Until then, I will continue these religious posts.

Magenta Jumpsuit

A full concert, live at the Palladium in New York (1981). Oh, and FZ really is wearing a jumpsuit. It's really, really ugly.

You know you want one.

St. Alphonso's Pancake Breakfast

Actually, I'm going to be having on an omelette and some other things, but this is appropriate breakfast music.

Let's start with the marvelous Ruth Underwood's explanation of some of the underlying musical principles (and see just how badass a percussionist she is!).

You can't do this.

And here's the track from the Apostrophe album, as performed on SNL in 1978. Note that Frank Zappa took a level in barbarian (hence the ability to conduct a large band bare-chested). 

Saturday Night Live TV Performance

Sometimes YouTube is your friend

A complete concert: Zappa at the Palais du Sport in Paris, 1980.

See? YouTube isn't just a shitty comment section.

Adventurers are Filthy

You know where adventurers never go? The bath houses. Never at any point in a campaign has anyone said, "You know, we haven't bathed in like 40 sessions. Maybe we should go get cleaned up at bit. It might attract monsters, or maybe cause a penalty on reaction rolls." They're filthy buggers, and probably smell like old (but freshly used) hockey pads and ass.

Frank understands that. He sympathizes. But, damn, that stank could peel the slime off the dungeon walls!

My python boot is too tight.

I couldn't get it off last night.

A week went by, 

And that was July.

I finally got it off, 

And my girlfriend cried.

You got Stinkfoot...

Your Stinkfoot put puts a hurt on my nose.

Can you rinse it off,

Do you suppose?

Thematically appropriate bonus content: Don't You Ever Wash That Thing?

Shut Up, Wizard, and Play Your Guitar

Sometimes I like to think about translating the guitar greats into an RPG class. Forget bards. They'd have to be wizards. The guitar is just another kind of staff, after all. An electric guitar is a prison for a Power of some kind (demon, ghost, whatever). Spell level/power, of course, is dependent on how complicated (mathematically dense!) a particular song spell is (which is very Vancian).

It took me a while to wrap my head around some of Zappa's more challenging pieces, but I'm pretty committed now. Music shouldn't always just rub your ear-holes and brain in ways that make you feel comfortable. That's just self-gratification, and there's only so much of that you can do without it turning into something else entirely (if ya know what I mean, and I think you do...).

So, something a little guitar-centric for you this Second Day of Zappadan, off of Shut Up and Play Your Guitar.

Hey, orc babies! His guitar wants to kill yer momma!

*Update: Here is the wizard, casting some very high-level improvised spells. Holy crap.*

Trance Fusion